Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
