The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
