I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
