Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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