I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
