just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
