i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
