is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
