she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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