I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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