perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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