Apparently you make a good broom.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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