I think I died a long time ago.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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