I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
