WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
