We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
