I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
