I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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