this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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