i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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