"it" just moved
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she told me i tasted like america
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
