You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
