I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
