Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
