you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
