Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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