i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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