His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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