The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
