Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
