There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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