don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This is the high leading the old right now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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