i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
