My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
