I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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