i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
