it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
