you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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