I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
zippers are such a cool invention
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
