Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
