Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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