You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
one two three fourrrrnication!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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