Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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