dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
