Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
