Fine. I'll sleep in my office
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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