based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
