you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
