CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
