babies were throwing up all over the place
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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