Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
