I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
