After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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