i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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