i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
