You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
