I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
