Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
