Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
