Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
