I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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