i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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