Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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