youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
