i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
