my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
