Umm I'm too high to move.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
