I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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