we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
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I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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