you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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