Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
