I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize