Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
